I'm maybe only be half Mexican, but I love tacos. I've loved them ever since I was a boy, as my dad would come home from serving in the Mexican Air Force and serve them to me. They taste so good, all the meat, cheese and crisp tortilla all into one. As I grew up, I would go to Taco-Bell often, making regular visits. I voted against Trump because he wanted to ban Mexicans and make tacos illegal, and I voted for Hillary Clinton because she has a taco in her pants (enjoy that mental image) Sure, tacos may not be everyone's favorite but they're my favorite. Anyway, that was the way it used to be, anyway, but now I don't want any tacos, and anyway I think I'll just eat burritos now.
It all started when I made my normal trip to Taco-Bell. As I walked into the store, nothing unusual was there. I mean, yeah, the lady serving me was Cuban instead of Guatemalan (I can tell) but it didn't really matter. As I asked for my regular, the lady serving me said "OK." and slowly made me my taco. She then asked if I had any money. I said no, and punched her in the face, before aggressively grabbing both the taco and one of her breasts. I then ran out of the restaurant, and happily munched on the Mexican treat. After enjoying the meal, I happily stood there in the street, before falling to the ground and jizzing in my pants instantly. My face lay there, embroidered with the look of passion, yet confusion. As I stood up, embarrassed by my sudden ejection of sperm. I then saw Gabe Newell walk by, who said he was on his way to Taco-Bell. I then asked "If Half-Life 3 coming soon, Mr. Newell?" and he said "Hopefully, it will be worth the weight." before walking on. So that was that.
Anyway, I decided to go to the playground, and kept walking down the street. Suddenly, I felt a bizarre movement within my bowels. It began to hurt, and my stomach rumbled furiously. I suddenly let a huge fart. And when I say huge, I mean REALLY fucking huge. Like Godzilla having sex with the monster from Cloverfield huge. Like damn, I'm wondering if people in Turkmenistan could smell that one. It was then I realized two things: I had to take a dump, and that it was all because of that damn taco. I looked around desperate to find a toilet. I found one, but it was in the Black neighborhood. But I went, because I had to take a massive dump.
Anyway, after finding the bathroom, I took a massive King Kong shit in the toilet, like it was so big I was in the air sitting on a throne of brown. All because of the taco. It was then that I ran into trouble. The Kings of Kings Kollective (the KKK), a Black gang known for committing crimes in the area, found me in the toilet. It turns out that Tyrone, their lead member, had to take a dump as well. They all kidnapped me and sold me on the black market. All because of that taco. (this is a lazy way to tie into the title and the start of the pasta, by the way)
ANYWAY, I was sold to an Asian man (pictured) living in Bangkok, Thailand, who forced me to lick Nintendo 64 consoles that would be sold to the children in the village. The taco had done permanent damage to me however, and I would constantly have a flatulence problem while working there. Everytime I did break wind, the man would beat me with a rod. It was then that SEAL Team 6 broke through the door, and saved me, and flew me away in a chopper. However, after finding out I was an illegal Mexican immigrant, they deported me back to Panama. So that's were I am now. Typing this story up in a prison.
And that's why I vow never to eat a taco again.